** This thread discusses the content article: Pain During Sex **

"Why does sex hurt?"

That's probably the sex question that I hear more than any other.


The truth is, sex isn't supposed to hurt anyone. It's not like Mother Nature is trying to play some cruel joke on all first timers.

Pain during sex is usually caused by the woman being too dry, too tense, or not in the mood. That can happen at any time in a woman's life. But it often happens the woman's first time.

Most women have heard the old myth that sex is supposed to hurt the first time. Due to the poor sex education in most schools, most girls don't even know that it's not true! So most girls tense up their first time because they expect it to hurt. And the fact that they tensed up is a large part of what made it hurt!

When a girl is nervous it can also make it harder for her to produce natural lubricant. The vagina is very delicate. When it is too dry, the friction of sex can cause discomfort, pain, and even bleeding! Foreplay or a store-bought lubricant can usually fix that problem. But most people know so little about their own body and have heard so many sex myths that they think the discomfort that they're feeling is normal and unavoidable. So in many cases they don't even try the foreplay or lubricant!

The penis is not quite as delicate as the vagina. So when the woman is too dry, it usually hurts her more than him. But it can hurt him. It can even tear his skin a little.

And after all that the girl often thinks, "See, it did hurt!" and she runs off to tell all her friends that sex does hurt the first time without even realizing that she was simply doing it wrong. And that's how the myth stays alive.

So most women who are educated, lubricated, relaxed, and in the mood do not feel any pain at all even their very first time. That means it is important to have a good sex education under your belt long before you have sex. Do some research. Schedule an on-gyn appointment so you can ask questions and get birth control. Make sure you read the directions on the birth control and take/use it as directed. Take your time and get comfortable with your partner. Buy a water-based lubricant from the store in case your body doesn't make enough on its own (we all make different amounts and that amount of often decreases as we age).

If you still feel pain when you are relaxed, lubricated, and in the mood, discuss it with your doctor just to make sure nothing is wrong.